If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
