i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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