yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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