I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thank you for not boning my boss.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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