My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
