Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
