I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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