i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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