i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
