Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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