sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
