I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i love accidental penises.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
