i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
4 words: hood of his car
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
