New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
