ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
