I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
