do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
