I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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