Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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