I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
