i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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