i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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