Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?