we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?