Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again