I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
