All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
