she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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