I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
