he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
