farters have to be the big spoon...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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