god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
