Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
