I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
