I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize