Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
