is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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