At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
