I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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