you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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