I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
