He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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