xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
