I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
