I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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