Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
