Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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