so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
