my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
