Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
