How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
