i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
