I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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