Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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