Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
