After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
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I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize