I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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