halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
