you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
