I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
