They should really pass out barf bags in church
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
