she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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