I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
