oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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