Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
