Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this just has baby written all over it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
