Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Randomize
