we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
