upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
